Navigating Desperation and Determination: Finding Strength in Illness

Having multiple chronic illnesses has taken me on a very tough journey. Every life has difficulties and pain, but when someone lives with illness and pain that occurs everyday, desperation can be an often-experienced emotion.

Understanding Desperation

Having feelings of desperation, unfortunately, can weigh me down. These feelings appear when I'm in the most pain. When I'm in a flare or have a new disease my pain can be unbearable. Even when I can still function with pain, my mind is so focused on the severe pain that I can't get much done.

I can't knock much off of my to-do list when I feel desperate. It's hard to look at little annoyances when pain isn't addressed. This is the case because of being told not to take Ibuprofen or Tylenol. My kidney and liver tests show some damage to both.

Because I have severe pain in my right wrist, I'm trying different treatments that could help. This wrist will be operated on, but it may not be until the next year. Because I have to wait until after a nerve study in November before the surgery can be scheduled, I know that the pain will be severe for a long time.

Getting medical treatment seems to take longer and longer. The area I'm in has a shortage of doctors, so I'm having to wait and wait to be seen. Even if the health problem is severe, I'm just one of many that need treatment. If I could take pain medicine, it would be more tolerable.

I hate that my health is making me so helpless and don't like to be waited on. But, I have to accept help gladly. I am using ice, heat, and a tens unit to help the pain and miserable feeling of fire and tingling, and nerve pain. I've already been taking Gabapentin for years for nerve pain. It works for neuropathic pain, but because my wrist has a collapsed Scaphoid bone, it must not be basic neuropathy.

I do feel desperate and am rubbing my hand and fingers. Wearing the hard brace on my wrist helps with the tingling/numbness, but causes heavy swelling. Sometimes, I have to take the pros with the cons.

My family is very supportive and Hubby carries things for me, because I have dropped a few things lately. My wrist is just not strong. I have accepted that this is the way I'm going to feel and that is very helpful.

The Role of Determination

Determination is something that I was born with. I have much more than some, because it's a natural response. I probably learned a lot of this expression by watching my dad. He also had numerous chronic illnesses. Although he never accepted his health problems, he was determined to keep going.

Determination for him meant that he would get up and go do work on the farm no matter what. I used to think that this was going to shorten his life, but he lived to the age of 86. Our illnesses are different, but his spirit of determination kept him from sitting at home.

He told me many times that I just needed to get up and work, exercise, or go for a walk. That is not the type of determination that I have. I can't stand or walk for more than 5 minutes. I have severe lower back pain and must sit or cry. I also, about half the time, experience dizziness or light-headedness. I then must lean against the wall until it gets better.

One powerful strategy for those with chronic illness is setting small, achievable goals. For me, getting a shower may seem simple, but it isn't. Completing daily tasks, like cooking a meal or attending church fueled my determination. The good feelings that these small accomplishments have created helped me to remember how it felt to be normal.

Finding Support

With support, it is easier to sustain determination. When you don't feel alone, you improve your emotional health. It's not always easy to use support groups. I often have gotten very determined to attend a woman's group or church, but only make it once in a while.

This makes me feel more isolated. I always feel like a failure when I can't follow through. I have to accept that I can't do everything that may be of great benefit for me.

Embracing Self-Care

Prioritizing self-care can lead to significant improvements in your overall well-being. Self-care can carry an added cost that those with chronic illness just can't afford. I know that massage would be a great treatment for my pain, and doctor's have recommended it for me.

When I can't afford it on my budget, I might get one every few months. Getting a massage every 3 months is lovely, but not often enough to really help my physical health.

I do try to do certain things daily that are helpful: pray, blog, read a book for fun, and have little treats (nice coffee or tea and fruit popsicles).. There are many other ways that others may find to boost their mental or physical health.

Seeking Professional Help

At times, the burden of illness can feel overwhelming. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, provides valuable tools for coping with desperation. I have a very strong faith and God really is my strength. My emotional health is good, and I give God all the credit.

Isaiah 12:2: "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation". 

Getting a counselor or therapist can be a wonderful way to have a guide who can help you create an individual plan for determination. Having accountability, in this way, can make all the difference in emotional health.

Cultivating a Positive Mindset

Research "revealed that developing feelings and performing acts of gratitude are related to a greater sense of gratitude and satisfaction with life, better mental health, and fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression."

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10393216/

Completing acts of gratitude or service to others are ways to bring about positive feelings. Contact with others who struggle with problems in life can bring about positive feelings. If you surround yourself with negative (support groups or gaslighters") you may have less positive feelings.

Finding Purpose

Becoming a person with chronic illnesses caused me to re-evaluate my life and purpose. As a healthy person I was a happy wife and mother, good musician, a teacher, and a person who kept fit and slim. I experienced success, fulfillment, and pride in my appearance.

After my body really began failing me, all the things I did were taken from me. Thankfully, I was still a loving mom and wife, but I couldn't serve and help them in the way I wanted to. My calling as a mom was reduced greatly. Before, I helped my family by keeping a nice home, cooking from scratch, ironing clothes, and many other things.

I was able to participate in many groups, be a leader, perform in church or other groups, and others. Life had plenty of hardships, but they weren't always physical.

As I re-evaluated my life and purpose it was obvious that I had a new normal life. I continue to be someone different than I once was. Sometimes, I get a brief emotion that reminded me of my old life. I usually don't even feel anything that I felt before.

My new purpose concerns my health and as I gradually accepted my chronic illnesses, God showed me my new purpose. My personal challenges to be content with this body and life, were a huge part of my new purpose.

My calling is now to live with these diseases, but still praising God for my life as it is now. I know that often my posts are negative, as I talk about my journey with diseases. But, my real purpose here at Chronically Content is to share with you that it is possible to be content in our situations.

Final Thoughts

It's so important to be honest with yourself. Yes, you may feel desperation at times. Believe it and then think about what will help you overcome that feeling. I don't believe the phrases "overcome your chronic illness" even though some people may interpret it differently.

I do think that accepting your new normal is the beginning to finding your purpose. As you gradually find acceptance there are so many ways to find helpful treatments, therapies, and purpose.

It's important to never give up. There may be no hope of a cure or improvement of your health. But, there is always room for improvement inside yourself. Your mind and heart can experience a great, positive change.

I'm so thankful for all the ways I've grown as a person and as a Christian. My failings are numerous, but I don't give up. There are days when depression or desperation my attack me, but I've lived with this long enough to know that it will pass.

All the steps above can be re-visited to see if you want to try some of these tips. If you've followed my blog for long, you know that I depend on God for everything. He gives me inner strength and makes a way for me to function in this world.

I love that we can support one another in this journey, sharing our stories and finding strength together. We may never meet in person, but I hope that my blog can offer you good ideas, tips, and care.

@2025, copyright Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions, and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.