Feels Like A Blur

Another Saturday has arrived. It seems like yesterday was Saturday, as they all fly by so fast. I thought that just resting in my recliner would slow life down, but it feels just like a blur.

My only trip was due to having a doctor's appointment. I saw my ankle orthopedic doctor on Friday. He was following up to see how I was doing. I asked him if he felt the hard thing on the inside of the ankle and he said yes.

He seemed slightly alarmed, but said it could just be a little piece of bone that broke off. Ugh! He said if I wanted to get a CT scan, the image would show whether or not that was the case.

He said I could do that now, or call him at any time to set that in motion. That spot is the main pain problem I have now. When I stand up, I immediately feel some level 6 pain. If I don't sit down after that, the pain just continues to get worse.

I made the choice to wait and see if it gets better. I really want to be unable to walk before I give in and have another surgery to remove the bone. Ugh! I'm still recovering from the ankle surgery!

I will see a top hand surgeon in a couple of weeks. My right thumb is numb about 1/2 the time, which is a new symptom of Avascular Necrosis of the Lunate and Scaphoid bones in my wrist.

With this numbness the surgeon may decide that it's time to operate. That will be an awful surgery, but at least it's not my feet. Not being able to put any weight on my foot was a miserable time for me. Hubby didn't enjoy it either.

The update on my Tentorial Incisural Meningioma is boring. The neurosurgeon's nurse called to ask me questions. She said that the scheduler would call me soon to set up an appointment.

My symptoms are annoying. I already had dizzy spells, but now they are making my balance worse. I have to catch myself often during the day, because I'm swaying in a bad way. I really don't want to fall. I have enough broken things.

Since my vision is so blurry, I looked at buying a magnifying glass. I tried using my reading magnification glasses, which helped a little. Then when I tried really focusing on the page I could see that I was seeing double. I didn't realize that, because I'm not seeing two objects far apart.

The letters are just a little above the printed words. It's just enough that I have times of day when I can't read. My headaches aren't too bad. (Since I spent many years with awful migraines, when I have a normal headache I think it feels tolerable.)

I have taken Ibuprofen when I need to knock the headache down. This makes me concerned about my kidneys. Because the numbers don't jump off the page, my doctors just ignore it. The other diseases are just much more demanding of our focus.

That doesn't mean that I shouldn't keep asking them to check out my kidney health. Knowing that I have a tumor in my brain seems to be taking all of my attention at the present.

I'm trying to educate myself about the basics of treatment for this type of meningioma. Many people have these tumors close the edge of the skull. My tumor is in a precarious space, and surgery could cause these problems:

• Cranial. nerve deficit

• Hemorrhage

• Brain Edema

• Hemiparesis - one-sided muscle weakness

• Gait Disturbance

• other problems.

(https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8959495/)

All of this makes me think very hard about having this surgery. Quality of life is the most important to me. I don't wish to become more disabled than I already am. I'm sure when I meet with the surgeon I will learn a lot more. Maybe more than I want to know?

I really don't think about this all the time. I have added this health problem to my prayer list and I know that others are praying for me. I gain much inner strength when I know that prayers are going up for me. God is so good to me.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." II Cor. 12:9-10

Chronic illness is just a part of my life. I would love to be the healthy, vibrant grandmother. But, I'm thankful that I get to see my grandchildren and children a few times every year. Before I know it, Thanksgiving week will arrive and I'll have all my grandchildren here!

There's nothing better than family. Holding little ones in my lap is so wonderful. What do you look forward to? We all have our own inspiration in life that convince us to keep walking through this journey with contentment.

@2025, copyright Lisa Ehrman

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical expert. This post contains my experiences and opinions, and is not meant to be taken as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your personal physician.